Lotions and Potions

To save people the hassle I usually point out my beauty cock ups and last week was no exception. My patchy hands and feet were hard to miss and came up in many conversations.

For days I battled to scrub it off but it wasn't until day 8 that I was back to my milk bottle best.

Scrub a dub dub, me in my tub. In the end it took a 15 minute shower, a fairly rough loofah and practically a bottle of shower gel to get rid of the disaster wedding tan. As I was at it I decided I might as well do a facial scrub. Good job I wasn't going anywhere afterwards because between the heat of the shower and all the scrubbing I was a little bit red, and not in the 'doesn't she have a lovely glow about her' way. At that stage I was considering renaming myself Beatrice Beetroot.

Speaking of redness the sun finally decided to make an appearance and that meant plenty of burnt people around, including me! Oh yes I made sure my goddaughter had cream on before taking her to the park but completely forgot that I'm Irish and likely to go red at the mere mention of the word sun. Lucikly I wasn't too bad, unlike some tomoatoes going around the place, and I've been trying to squeeze as much sun in as possible at lunch time and in the evenings. I've also deluded myself in to thinking that I might get a base for holidays which at this point is 4 weeks away but still highly unlikley.

On the hottest day of the year I had to take a trip to the beautician. It's bikni season ...... in some countries ....... and I like to make sure my bikni line is well, in line. In theory it should be embarrassing, uncomfortable at the least but at this stage I'm buddies with the beautician so it's just a case of getting on with it. None the less that freshly waxed feeling is not to be relished on a warm day. The moisturiser had To be layered on!

This week I've welcomed some newbies into my collection of lotions and potions. As mentioned holidays is on the way and there's one bumpy issue I don't want to have to worry about when exposing my pins, CELLULITE. Dimples are only cute on babies and not all over the backs of my legs. Anew Clinical laser shape cellulite treatment promises to act like laser and liposuction would. Apparently in 4 weeks I'll notice a difference so I'll be slapping it on every night, drinking lots of water and hoping it disappears.

Eye felt it was finally time to get an eye cream, prevention is better than cure and all that jazz. It's Anew clinical eye lift and is made up of an upper eye gel and under eye cream. The gels a little sticky but can't say that I've noticed any major difference yet but here's hoping.

Maybe some good old fashion beauty sleep will do the trick zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Operation Wedding

As I feared preparing for the wedding was a week long event. Between trying to scrub off the layers of instant and fake tan, removing my nail varnish from my toes, then filing and shaping my toe nails and finger nails, not to mention the hair treatment I put in to try and transform my hair from straw to silk, I was a little tired by the time Friday came around.

De-tanning wasn't as bad as I'd predicted - a good scrubbing glove and some rough drying for a few days soon had me looking my pasty best.  Considering it's May and my phobia of wearing pants I had to do something to take from the whiteness, that even the people at Daz would be proud of. And that's when Ciara met Sally. It wasn't quite moaning in the middle of a restaurant but more sly smiling to myself in the changing room of my gym. Sally Hansen airbrush legs is a life saver. It got me through the week and ended up playing a major part on the day of the wedding.

Then came my Mist Mission. When Thursday arrived I anxiously showered and scrubbed one last time. Lined the bathroom floor with the bath mat, a towel and a dressing gown. I would consider myself at the this stage a connoisseur of fake tan but none the less read the instructions and got to work. I sprayed away, somewhat blindly because its not tinted and you don't rub it, hoping I was covering all the areas. I possibly should have held my breath because I inhaled so much of it that I'm imagining my lungs are a love shade of orange now. After a little assistance with the back, got to love boyfriends, the fake tan was done so I got to work on french manicuring my toes nails.

L'Oreal Sublime Bronze Self tan mist, made two promises not to smell and be streak free. I can confirm that although slightly chemically I did not stink going to bed or the next day so that was a plus.

When I woke on the Friday I cautiously raised my arms for inspection, even through bleary eyes and the dim light I knew something was wrong. Bracing myself for an encounter with a mirror I made my way to the bathroom. What greeted me was a sight I wouldn't wish on a Leinster player (well maybe.) It was as if all the fake tan had gravitated to my hands and feet and on top of that left me with plenty of missed patches.

I filled the sink, got my scrubbing glove, mountains of shower gel, a nail brush and even   

some nail varnish remover to try and salvage my hands, About 15 mins later there was some improvement but there was no hope for my feet.

Then I remembered my good friend Sally. I got out the glove and began a repair job. I knew all those years spent as a youngster trying to colour between the lines would pay off at some stage.

Off I went to the hairdresser after that. That was far from a disaster, it was a master piece. GHD curls, back brushing, hair spray and pins and someone else doing it, how could you go wrong!

Make-up, dress and shoes all went fine. My patch up job on my tan was holding up well, until we got to the reception...........

The function room became a sauna as the courses kept coming and I got a little hot. To put it in a lady like fashion, 'I began to feel the heat.' The chairs had white seat covers and when I got up to powder my nose I discovered that some of my tan had transferred to the seat. To say I was embarrassed would be putting it mildly. I shoved the chair in under the table and hoped no one took it out while I was gone. I saved myself from further blushes my popping my napkin on the chair and sat at the edge. 

My shower on Saturday resembled one you'd take as a child after rolling in the muck but it washed away what I needed  it to.

....... And so the cycle begins again. De-tanning, dumping that silly mist thing, and sticking to what I know works even if I do end up being a little bit smelly.

Now off to change those sheets ........................

 

 

The Weekend Glow

The weekend always means beauty on the double. All the things you just don't have time for during the week, all the things you put on the long finger. Men head to the shed for their tool box/ lawnmower/ hose while we head to the bathroom with a scrub/ foot file and at this time of year some kind of fake tan.

With the Irish weather you need to be prepared for everything when it comes to your tan. (You'd never know when you might want to get those legs out!) The orange look is gone and hey the pale look is fine but if you're not blessed with porcelain skin and instead have to deal with blotches/ varicose veins and random redness then a bit of colour on those pins and arms does no harm.

Trying to find the balance between oompa loompa and vampire can be pretty tough.

I've tried everything from instant, to self tan, to tinted body lotions to gradual tan builders and really it just depends on the occasion. Dove summer glow is the way to go for me for an everyday subtle tan, can be a little stinky. At night is probably the best time to let it come up, it won't ruin your clothes that way, but it might drive you're other half to the spare bed (doubles up as a contraception!)

The problem I'm facing this weekend is trying to scrub it off - wedding on Friday and need to put on a more reliable tan. Going to try out the new L'oreal sublime which promises not to smell, not sure if that's possible, may need to cover the bathroom in some kind of plastic first because it's one of those spray ones, I'm already imaging the state the place will be in by the time I'm done! Have no idea how you're supposed to do your toes/ feet/ hands/ fingers with one of those spray bottles - I've no doubt it'll be an interesting result.

The tanoxeric in me in not looking forward to spending the week pale while I prep my skin for the fake tan application on Thursday. I probably should mention I'm fairly pale and although I've no intention of walking around like I had a wash with a can of tango I don't appreciate the 'are you sick questions'  so it's going to be all about finding the balance. I don't know if a natural looking fake tan is possible though.

I have bought the shade for fair so hopefully I'll be a little more Holly Willoughby and a little less Katie Price for next Friday!